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Yesterday, "Mayim Bialk" was trending on Twitter, so I saw reactions to her NYT op-ed about Weinstein before I read the article.
The majority were, "Shut up bitch!" and "How dare you?" and "Victim-blamer!!!!"
Then lefty feminist Anne Lemott said it was a must-read.
Now, having read it, I see why.
What part were they losing their shit over? You'll love this, my friends. Mayim Bialk:
I am grateful to bring Amy Farrah Fowler to life on the No. 1 sitcom in America. I am honored to depict a feminist who speaks her mind, who loves science and her friends and who sometimes wishes she were the hot girl.
I can relate. I've wished that, too.
And yet I have also experienced the upside of not being a "perfect ten." As a proud feminist with little desire to diet, get plastic surgery or hire a personal trainer, I have almost no personal experience with men asking me to meetings in their hotel rooms. Those of us in Hollywood who don't represent an impossible standard of beauty have the "luxury" of being overlooked and, in many cases, ignored by men in power unless we can make them money.
I still make choices every day as a 41-year-old actress that I think of as self-protecting and wise. I have decided that my sexual self is best reserved for private situations with those I am most intimate with. I dress modestly. I don't act flirtatiously with men as a policy.
Note that this piece in in the New York Times, who I remind one and all had this Weinstein story in 2004 on a plate, and killed it. What is Twitter in an uproar over? Women's self defense.
Kathy makes some points about this in her blog, which are spot on. I'm going to add a couple more, from a man's perspective.
As a Man, Capital "M", I am expected to be The Hero. I am expected, by our culture and our society, to help old people, dogs and children in their time of need. Also women. I am the Knight in Shining Armor that is supposed to save the day. That's what a man is, in Canada, right now. That is who you are expected to be, as a Man, Capital "M." That's the cultural role.
Nobody asked me if that's what I wanted, growing up. Nobody gave me a choice. That's just how it is. I didn't mind though. I ran with it. Knight Protector/Cowboy who saves the ranch, that's a great job. I'm down with it.
When I was seventeen-ish, I discovered a different role that some people had in mind for me: prey. They wanted to "party" with me, lets say, just to keep things PG-13. It started happening fairly often, like once a month. On one particular occasion I recall vividly, two at the same time.
Now, being Knight Protector, there's not too many options available in a situation like that. What I actually -did- was say "No", and reach for my motorcycle helmet. One word was all I said, if I remember right. Lucky for all three of us, they took no for an answer. Probably the crazy look in my eye, I'm a bit weird.
Those experiences, and a few others of a more straightforward bullying nature, led me to seek out the martial arts at an early age and follow that road for a long time. When you live that life, you learn stuff.
Don't wear leather soled shoes. They're slippery.
Don't wear tight pants and shirts. (Can't move well, can't run.)
Don't dress flashy.
Don't show your money.
Have a weapon. Keep it clean and ready. Keep it concealed. Don't use it unless you're going to die.
Have an escape route. Use it if you need it.
Check the back seat of the car -before- you get in.
Look around you and see who's there. Watch what they're doing. If they look funny, leave.
When people invade your personal space, leave.
Sit with your back to the wall, where you can see the door.
Don't get drunk in public.
Don't start shit. Don't be around people who start shit.
Et Cetera.
It's a pretty long list. Basically it assumes the worst about human beings and enables you to prepare accordingly. When you follow it, you life runs nice and smooth. Nobody does bad things to you, or the people you care about. Mostly because they can't. You're not making yourself a target.
Mayim Bialk, obviously a smart woman, knows this list. Don't dress flashy. Don't start shit. Don't get stuck in a hotel room with an asshole who wants to "party" with no weapon and no exit strategy, in a miniskirt, crop top and stiletto heels.
This is not rocket science. But to the moron Third Wave feminists out there, this is Victim Blaming!!!!
Oh well. Guess I'm a victim blamer. Reality is harsh that way.
The Phantom
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