Or, well, kind of a review. I sent scouts instead of going myself. Actual teenagers, to spy out the movie and report on it in a non-political, unbiased Gen Z kind of way. (Because I'm pretty cranky about movies these days, but also because I didn't want to be trapped in a theater with this thing playing and no fast-forward button to get me past the stupid parts.)
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| Visual aid for the reading impaired. "It's dead, Jim." |
Their report: This is a shitty fanfic best viewed as a comedy. It has no coherent plot, the characters made the whole theater laugh in the "emotional" parts, but nobody laughed at the quippy humor. The devoted Star Wars old guys with the merch in their arms were laughing. It was so bad they weren't even offended.
Of note was one complaint that the powers of the various Jedi -vary- from scene to scene. In one scene a Jedi grabs a spaceship with the Force and "yeets it". (Teenagers. Get off my lawn.) In another scene the same Jedi is powerless to stop a fleeing spaceship.
There you go. Smarty teenagers say save your money, wait for Netflix.
5 comments:
There was a simple, two-step plan Disney could have used to recoup their investment in Star Wars:
(1) Announce they were releasing digital versions (either DVD/Blue-Ray or just software) versions of the theatrical releases of the original trilogy.
(2) Hire a modest amount of security to organize all of the Boomers/Gen-Xers stampeding to throw their money at Disney.
Instead, they've gone from "eh, at least it's not the prequels" (Force Awakens), to "my God, what have they done to my beloved characters" (Last Jedi), to "no one cares because you f'd up the last one so badly" (Solo), to "this movie pleases exactly no one" (Skywalker). If they actually go through with the Rian Johnson trilogy, I fully expect Star Wars to be declared a war crime.
Admittedly, they've had a couple of successes in Rogue One and (maybe) The Mandalorian, but 2 out 6 isn't exactly the sort of record you usually brag about.
I've been watching The Mandalorian, and I have the same problem with it I have with most of the SFF on offer these days. The "hero" is a low-life that kills people for money. Also it drags in between the fight scenes.
A puree of oatmeal with the odd raisin to draw your attention. Seems to have been written as an excuse to sell action figures and plushies. Just sayin'.
The hack frauds at Red Letter Media have their initial review up, and they are of the view that it's just too much in too short a period. Things happen while you are trying to process the last thing that happened, and something else is happening, and more stuff is happening.
The overall impression is that is is more of a theme park ride than an actual movie.
@Phantom
The figures are coming in March...unless you are in China, where you can get Bootleg Baby Yoda now.
But first, they have to sell off Rise of the Sithwalker merchandise...oh.
A line from Ice-T's "You Played Yourself" comes to mind as appropriate for Disney:
"You think you've made it, you're just a lucky man
Guess who controls your destiny, fans
But you diss 'em 'cause you think you're a star
That attitude is rude, you won't get far
'Cause they'll turn on you quick, you'll drop like a brick
Unemployment's where you'll sit
No friends 'cause you dissed 'em too
No money, no crew, you're through
You played yourself...
That's right, you played yourself..."
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