Professional. Cuddling. Because Trump.

Times when you wish you were kidding, and you wish it was the Onion, but it isn't. Its Rolling Stone::

The reasons one seeks out a professional cuddling experience range from average adults seeking connection, those on the autistic spectrum, those healing from sexual trauma, adults dealing with sexual dysfunction or for older virgins to practice touch in a safe environment. The elephant in the room during some of these sessions, though, is the current state of the country's affairs. Since November – and the election of Donald Trump – professional cuddling services have seen a spike in client interest.

"The holiday season was the first time that since Trump won the election that a lot of people were seeing their family," says Adam Lippin, co-founder and CEO of Cuddlist, which provides training services to professional cuddlers and allows clients to search listings of "Cuddlists" nearby. "People with different political views were going to be in the same place with relatives. That was the first hit of people having to confront it in a significant way. We saw an uptick around that."

$80 bucks an hour, each, because the DemocRats lost an election.

Its worth reading the whole thing for the inadvertent hilarity:

To be considered a certified Cuddlist, one must enroll in an online course, attend a Cuddle Party group session and pass a video or in-person evaluation.

That is some extensive professional training, right there.

The Phantom