Tuesday, July 22, 2014

First, they came for Superman...

... but I didn't care because Superman is boring. Then they came for Batman, but I didn't care because by then I'd stopped buying comics with irritating liberal PC plot lines. Then they came for Spiderman, and Captain America, and Thor, and now...

Archie.  No, really. Death of Archie.

The famous freckle-faced comic book icon is meeting his demise in Wednesday's installment of Life with Archie when he intervenes in an assassination attempt on Kevin Keller, Archie Comics' first openly gay character. Andrews' death, which was first announced in April, will mark the conclusion of the series that focuses on grown-up renditions of Andrews and his Riverdale pals.

Wait, Archie comics, fave rave of tween girls since forever has an openly gay character? Really, Archie Comics.

Yep, they went there!  Its as if the entire comics publishing industry has entered into a mass suicide pact, where they all try to destroy their businesses as fast as possible.

Unbearable retard Mr. Jon Goldwater, Archie Comics publisher and co-CEO:

 "notes that [Archie] Andrews's passing isn't just a publicity stunt, but also a lesson about gun violence and a declaration of diversity in the new age of Archie Comics."

Because that's what kids want in a comic. Preachy bullshit about diversity and gun violence, weird sex,  plus lots of death.

No word on the rumor that has Veronica hooking up with Betty and Reggie for a threesome at Archie's wake. I guess they're keeping that for a surprise at Christmas.

The Phantom


black mamba said...

I don't get Superman. Pragmatically he's infinitely powerful. What's interesting about "guy who can do anything thwarts the stupid schemes of puny mortal weaklings"? And his childhood was happy so he's perfectly well adjusted.

At least Batman is all angsty and has to invent Batgadgets because his only actual superpower is money.

black mamba said...

It wasn't so bad, my comment what I left before :-(

The Phantom said...

You comment was caught in Comment Heck, Mamba. I was AFK because of Life(tm). ~:)

Superman is boring because he can do anything. The only way to make him interesting is to use kryptonite.

Or to do what they used to do in the Golden Age comics: pick up buildings by one corner, move a whole baseball diamond with one hand, etc. They also gave him his Super Science where he would whip up machines to do amazing things. That was interesting.

In a "real life" comic pretty much all he can do is break stuff and survive any attack. Boring!

But, and this is where it can be interesting, he always chooses to be the Good Guy even when its the stupid choice. But too much reliance on painting Superman into a corner is again, boring. So, meh.

Batman is interesting because his actual super power is his -brain-. The money is never really mentioned in the comics, except as boring meetings and gala charity balls.

Personally I've always found all the angst to be counter to the story. That guy wouldn't give two shits about his feeeeeelings, he'd just get the job done.

Plus he always maintains his code of honor. Scary, but honorable.

Branching out a bit, Captain America's super power is not his Super Soldier strength, because that just makes him a really strong dude. His real power in the comics is he's an American. He's the Good Guy, who does the right thing for the right reasons, and if there's no good choice he MAKES one.

In 2014, none of these little pervs who have taken over the comic business can tolerate that Good Guy story line. There's always got to be the pervy twist, the "he's only human" excuse, the Freudian bullshit. Impossible situations, Pyrrhic victories, angst, sturm und drang. Plus PC messages, of course.

Which is predictable, distasteful, unfit to be seen by children, preachy, and seriously, unforgivably BORING.

Therefore, I've been boycotting the sons of bitches since 1992.