Five days after Long Island grandma Lenore Zimmerman claims she was strip searched at John F' Kennedy International Airport, the agency in charge of security offered her an apology. But, the Transportation Security Administration flatly denies she was strip searched.
"TSA contacted the passenger to apologize that she feels she had an unpleasant screening; however, TSA does not include strip searches in its protocols and a strip search did not occur in this case" said a spokesman for TSA.
Yer lyin' Lenore, you old bat. Shut up or next time you fall down the stairs after the strip search.
Look what I found today!
Yeah, it wasn't a "strip search", they just took all her clothes off until they got to her BACK BRACE. Which would be right next to her underwear, normally. Or part of it in some cases. Because TSA employs people so utterly brain dead (or perverted) that they can't tell the difference between a money belt and a back brace (or they pretend not to).
In response to ongoing criticism for removing the back brace from an elderly woman who claims Transportation Security Agency (TSA) officers strip-searched her an airport, the TSA issued a "clarification" about their position on the incidents, claiming -- contrary to an earlier TSA statement -- that the woman's back brace was removed because the security personnel thought it was a "money belt."
"There was a bit of a miscommunication and our officers were told that the passenger was wearing a money belt," explains a TSA blogger. "Unlike medical braces and supports, money belts must be removed since they're not providing any type of medical benefit." Last week, the TSA blog reported that the woman "told the officers that she was wearing a back brace or support belt which required private screening."
In today's update, the TSA acknowledges that the security agents did not return the brace to the woman immediately upon realizing that it was not, in fact, a money belt. "Since the item had already been removed, our officers had it X-rayed and returned it to the passenger who was then clear to travel," the TSA says.
The TSA denied that any strip-search ever took place, adding that they "truly regret that these passengers feel they had a bad screening experience."
So friends, don't let your elderly relatives fly without a lawyer, a nurse and three armed Samurai. And a big f-ing dog.
The Well Braced Phantom