... that they are stupid.
What is shocking to me is that I am not particularly visible. I do not create, write about, or otherwise engage in gaming culture. Due to the years of persistent sexual harassment and threats, I maintain an incredibly low social profile and try to avoid gendering myself online. Just think for a moment how fucked up it is that I am not free to post about my hobbies, interests, or day to day life because I am a woman and the gaming community is so dangerous.
++++
It is 2015 and I am reporting the harassment to the RCMP.
"Is this like that WaterGame thing?" asks the officer. I smile in relief.
"Yes. Yes, it's a lot like that."
The officer sighs, "We'd have a lot less work if women just stayed away from dangerous, psychopathic losers." I look at the evidence in front of me. I don't disagree.
In every discussion of online harassment you will find men telling women to call the police. What you don't hear is the police telling women to stay away from gaming communities for their own safety. What would gamers say if they knew that police told women to avoid game stores the same way they avoid frat houses?
"Why is this so important to you, anyway?" The officer is blunt, but I appreciate it.
"It's my hobby. I love it. I've been doing this for twenty years."
Her response cuts me to my core, "Find another hobby or you're going to die."
For the reading impaired, of whom there seem to be legions, I will start with this: Emily Garland, the author of this piece, WAS sexually assaulted. It is a matter of public record, there is no doubt about it as far as I am concerned. That, plus a buck fifty, will get you a coffee.
Sexual predators exist. They are numerous. I will go out on a limb as say as many as 10% of adult males will fondle a woman without her consent, given the chance to do so without suffering consequences.
I could be wrong about that, the number may be lower, or higher. Maybe a lot higher. Whatever, I take it as a given that there are violent, depraved assholes in the world. I've known a few, and I have the scars to prove it. Like, actual scars. The PTSD is also really fun at times.
This article is not about that.
I could be wrong about that, the number may be lower, or higher. Maybe a lot higher. Whatever, I take it as a given that there are violent, depraved assholes in the world. I've known a few, and I have the scars to prove it. Like, actual scars. The PTSD is also really fun at times.
This article is not about that.
It's about this part here:
The response to the rampant sexual assault in the gaming hobby is predictably misogynistic. Women are expected to train themselves in self-defence and anything less is regarded as "irresponsible" on their part. This attitude is illogical, irrational, and deeply callous as it does not address the basic fact that, by the time a woman is forced to defend herself from sexual assault, a crime has already been committed against her person. Worse, any woman who has defended herself from sexual harassment in the gaming community can tell you that her self-defence was a precursor to ostracism as the men in the community embraced the predator and expelled his victim for "creating drama". As if the perpetrator of the crime wasn't responsible for the "drama" in the first place!
That's what the cop said to her. Protect yourself, get another hobby, you dumbass.
Feminists are not wrong or stupid about men being sexual predators. A lot of them are. Predators often travel in packs. Feminists are not wrong or stupid about men in the community embracing the predator and expelling his victim. That shit happens all the time. It happens in schools, sports teams, churches, kids camps, stores, offices, even daycare. No surprise it happens in the gamer community, where ugly fat kids and autistic nerds go to nurse their wounds.
You, as an adult woman, are the ONLY ONE who is responsible for your safety. The reason is simple. It is not a moral reason, a legal reason, or a social reason. The true reason is:
When shit happens to you, nobody else is going to be there.
You're going to be by yourself, up against Perv-boy, and maybe his friends too. So you better be fucking well ready to handle Perv-boy, or you're about to have a really bad day. I'd fight them for you if I could, but I'm not going to be there. They'll go after you when I'm not there.
You, as an adult woman, are the ONLY ONE who is responsible for your safety. The reason is simple. It is not a moral reason, a legal reason, or a social reason. The true reason is:
When shit happens to you, nobody else is going to be there.
You're going to be by yourself, up against Perv-boy, and maybe his friends too. So you better be fucking well ready to handle Perv-boy, or you're about to have a really bad day. I'd fight them for you if I could, but I'm not going to be there. They'll go after you when I'm not there.
This is the stupid. That women are somehow not the ones that have to protect themselves. That it is misogynistic to tell a woman that her safety is up to her. That if only men weren't such assholes, everything would be wonderful.
News flash: Men are dangerous assholes. Life is hard, then you die and they throw dirt on you.
The stupid:
The majority of gamers do not engage in online terrorism, but are instead complicit in lower levels of harassment. It is almost impossible to convince gamers that sexist and racist jokes are unacceptable and that they make others uncomfortable and drive people off. Indeed, raising this issue at all often results in threats and more terrorism.
The self defense solution: Do not be alone in a room with any of those perverted assholes, it's not safe.
The stupid:
It is 2009 and an aboriginal woman is looking at the metal miniatures on the wall. My co-worker helps her as I stock the display shelves.
"Do you have any models that look like me?" the woman asks.
"We only have normal models," my co-worker titters, "I can order you the noble savage."
The woman leaves. We never see her again.
The self defense solution: This person is an asshole, stay away from him.
The stupid:
It is 2010 and a young black man with a backpack is talking to me about the comparative merits of Pathfinder vs D&D 4th Edition. I tell him we have drop in games and wave him over to a group currently playing.
"Sup, my n*****!" the white men shout.
I apologise but the man is already out the door. I report the incident to the owner.
"I'm not throwing away good customers just because someone is oversensitive."
The self defense solution: GET A NEW JOB. Immediately. Because otherwise you boss, the asshole, is liable to do something fatal to you. Or those fucks playing D&D will.
The stupid:
It is 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 and hands are on my ass and breasts and all over my body. Groping, fondling, feeling whatever they please.The smell of print comics gives me flashbacks now.
The self defense solution: "Find another hobby or you're going to die."
At some point, it needs to sink in that if you're getting assaulted all the fucking time, you need to change what you're doing. You need to change the places you frequent, if you're getting assaulted there. You need to change the type of people you hang around, because they're grabbing your ass. You need to develop radar to spot the assholes before they get in range. You need to carry a weapon suitable for fending off assholes. You need a friend or a whole swarm of friends to cover you.
You need to wake the fuck up and stop expecting other people to help you.
They're not going to. Even if they want to, they can't. Because they won't be there when it happens. You are on your own.
They're not going to. Even if they want to, they can't. Because they won't be there when it happens. You are on your own.
I'm almost 60 years old. I've been doing self-defense shit since I was 19. Why? Because random assholes would threaten me. Because they were drunk/stoned/high or just assholes. I got in fights. I very rapidly learned to spot the assholes that were going to start trouble, and learned where they hang out. I stopped going to those places. Places like the pizzeria. Great place to get fucked up, the local pizzeria. Always some drunk asshole looking for a punching bag. Makes life hard when that's your summer job, right?
When I got older I learned to shoot, I learned martial arts, I learned the dirty fighting things you can do with a pencil. I learned gross anatomy. I learned all kinds of weapons tactics, from guns to swords. Because I needed to. Lots of assholes around, you know?
When I go to a con, or just out for dinner, I've got both eyes open for who's going to start shit up. Because no matter how huge and menacing I am, and no matter how many more guys like me are standing around, there is ALWAYS SOMEBODY STARTING SHIT.
When I got older I learned to shoot, I learned martial arts, I learned the dirty fighting things you can do with a pencil. I learned gross anatomy. I learned all kinds of weapons tactics, from guns to swords. Because I needed to. Lots of assholes around, you know?
When I go to a con, or just out for dinner, I've got both eyes open for who's going to start shit up. Because no matter how huge and menacing I am, and no matter how many more guys like me are standing around, there is ALWAYS SOMEBODY STARTING SHIT.
If big, strong, ugly old me has to keep his eyes open all the time, what the fuck makes weak, short, cute women think they should be able to breeze through life without a care?
Emily Garland thinks evil men molest her because the rest of us let them. That is not the case. They do it knowing we'll kill them for it if we catch them. Just think about that for a moment. Yeah, that's what you're up against, in your Hello Kitty miniskirt.
When the majority of gamers refuse to speak up in support of those marginalised, they send the message that the hobby is full of bullies and they like it that way. "There are assholes in every group" is the rallying cry, yet that statement is nonsense to anyone who has spent the barest amount of time cultivating a healthy community. "Asshole behaviour" only persists because the majority of men are too cowardly to call the assholes what they are.
Emily Garland thinks evil men molest her because the rest of us let them. That is not the case. They do it knowing we'll kill them for it if we catch them. Just think about that for a moment. Yeah, that's what you're up against, in your Hello Kitty miniskirt.
The tragedy is that while North America is not a safe place for women to walk around alone and never has been, it is still the safest place on Earth. Guys like me keep it that way.
If there's ten guys at a gaming table, two of them are likely woman assaulting assholes and one of them is a possible rapist. Let's just run with those numbers for the sake of it. Two more of those men probably resent women because they're not getting any pussy, so they probably won't back up a woman who's getting molested.
But the other six guys will. They will cheerfully beat the shit out of the woman molesters, rapists, thieves, perverts, whatever. They will do it with joy in their hearts, because they finally get some quality ass-kicking time on the people they hate.
If there's ten guys at a gaming table, two of them are likely woman assaulting assholes and one of them is a possible rapist. Let's just run with those numbers for the sake of it. Two more of those men probably resent women because they're not getting any pussy, so they probably won't back up a woman who's getting molested.
But the other six guys will. They will cheerfully beat the shit out of the woman molesters, rapists, thieves, perverts, whatever. They will do it with joy in their hearts, because they finally get some quality ass-kicking time on the people they hate.
This is a well known fact. Rapists and child molesters are usually kept apart from the general population of criminals in jails. Because those other guys will kill them. To protect women, and children.
That's our job, as men. To protect women and children. It is why we are bigger, why we are meaner, why we react to movement instead of colour, why our muscles work different. It's why we band together and form packs. We're men. We have to. It's how we are.
Some of us are broken. It doesn't matter what broke them, they're dangerous and you have to watch for them. That's life.
You want to be a gamer? Good. Be one.
Be a gamer, knowing that you'll have to fight the assholes when they come for you, the same as I do.
Fight them and win. Be smart, be prepared, and never fucking walk around with your eyes shut.
Victory or death, Emily. You don't get a free pass because you're a girl.
Update: greetings Vile trolls and trollops. And JJ. Can one of you astounding idiots please demonstrate how it is NOT a woman's responsibility to protect her own life? I'm fucking well fascinated to see what you come up with.
Upperdate: Well, I had to cut and paste this from a blog which shall remain nameless, but we have an answer. From the horse's ass, as it were.
Like they do it because they don't know it's not okay. But -this- is the crazy troll blog. Fuck me.
JJ, you are the dumbest son of a bitch I've seen in ages. Lord t'underin' boy. Unless you're a chick, in which case good luck getting through life in one piece.
Be a gamer, knowing that you'll have to fight the assholes when they come for you, the same as I do.
Fight them and win. Be smart, be prepared, and never fucking walk around with your eyes shut.
Victory or death, Emily. You don't get a free pass because you're a girl.
Update: greetings Vile trolls and trollops. And JJ. Can one of you astounding idiots please demonstrate how it is NOT a woman's responsibility to protect her own life? I'm fucking well fascinated to see what you come up with.
Upperdate: Well, I had to cut and paste this from a blog which shall remain nameless, but we have an answer. From the horse's ass, as it were.
JJ said:
JJ, you are the dumbest son of a bitch I've seen in ages. Lord t'underin' boy. Unless you're a chick, in which case good luck getting through life in one piece.
